Dad I Love You …

Hi Everybody

I am back.

I am glad to see that the number of clicks to www.ChiaJiaYu.com is more than 500! =) Thank you for your support!

Coming back to the title of this post …

I hesitated alot thinking if I should blog about this and I thought if this could save someone’s life and let you cherish your dad even more, I will deliver it because I am a life testimonial.

Firstly I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who came by during the wake and funeral. Please accept my apologies if I had not been a good host.

With that, let me begin this sharing …

My dad’s passing took us all by shock, anger and intense pain.

I couldn’t help but to reignite my memory from the very 1st day when he was admitted till the day he left us.

He was admitted on the 27th June 2006 for hypoglycemia, meaning low blood glucose level. 

Besides that he was having jaundice (characterized by yellowish appearance of the skin), a sign of liver dysfunction, been a diabetic for 10 over years and dad’s kidney was malfunctioning.

When I asked about the condition of my dad after the medical officer clerked the case. She said that, dad’s case was a complex one and she would consider it as fairly serious and most probably dad would need to be monitored in the high dependency unit.

With that, the healthcare team ran test after test.

He went for:

*X-rays

*MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) –>

test that uses a magnetic field and pulses of radio wave energy to make pictures of organs and structures inside the body. In many cases, MRI gives information that cannot be seen on an x-ray, ultra-scound or computed tomography scan

*routine blood tests

*colonoscopy

*Oesophagogastroduodenoscopy (OGD)

**Liver biopsy (Wednesday 5th July 2006)

For his kidneys, the team suggested kidney dialysis which had been something dad was not receptive to but that could be discussed at a later date.

For his jaundice, they couldn’t exactly determine the cause because the report showed no signs of blockage, instead there was alot of fluid surrounding the duct.

Later in one of the lab reports, they realised that there were TB cells found in dad’s liver. TB is known as tubercolosis. It is normally a respiratory kind of thing and so it is rare for it to be found in the liver.

Therefore they decided to do a liver biopsy for dad to confirm the findings before starting on the TB drugs. Which the liver biopsy proves to be fatal for dad’s case.

If you do a google search or yahoo search on liver biopsy, it is categorised as a minor surgery.

In dad’s case, his kidneys and liver were malfunctioning, so the clotting mechanism to stop bleeding was jeopardised greatly.

Before Wednesday the 5th of July, dad’s appetite was good. I can remember vividly that he took 4 mini suasage buns at a go on Monday. We couldn’t have given him more in view of his glucose level.

In my heart, I was exclaiming that wow! dad was finally eating, because for the past month or two he had not been eating well. He would throw up after a few bites. I was really happy and at the same time worried because I knew his glucose level would shoot up.

Then came the day for liver biopsy. Not too sure what time he went for it but grandma, belinda and myself reached the hospital at about 7pm to visit him. He was still in his OT(operating theatre) gown and by his bedside was his dinner which in my opinion he only took a few spoonfuls of rice.

He looked weak and complained of pain at the puncture site.

He requested for diet coke and I went down with Belinda to get it.

Grandma only allowed dad to have 1 cupful of the coke, there was about half left in the can.

Anyway, aunt dropped by after work and reached the ward at about 7.30pm.

She found that dad was pale and not focused. She alerted the nurses and they took the blood pressure.

It was low.

Nurses alerted the doctors on call and they ordered fluid challenge to bring dad’s blood pressure up and also to arrange for a transfer to high dependency ward.

We were all jittery and fearful and called down everybody.

Aunt, a professional nurse, suspected internal bleeding. And so I thought too.

However with the fluid challenge, they were able to stabilised my dad’s blood pressure.

He was transferred to high dependency at around 12 midnight.

Due to the fact that dad was stabilised and the high dependency unit only allowed 2 visitors, moreover it was past visiting hours. I left home with aunts and uncles except for mum who was adamant to stay on. And thankfully the nurses were willing to make the exception for that night. They do not allow stay overs.

On the 6th of July, I went for my nursing lab lessons in school from 8am to 10am. Recieved an sms from aunt that dad’s blood pressure was 80/60. Low!

I left school after 10am, drove home and picked grandma on the way. 

We reached before 12pm. 

Headed to the high dependency ward and was told that dad was doing an angiogram.

I got an update from the nurse in charge at the high dependency unit that dad would be transferred to ICU after that because he was intubated. Basically means this tube inserted into the trachea via the mouth would assist dad in breathing.

Hence we went to the x-ray department where the angiogram was conducted and met up with mum and small aunt.

They told us that the doctor had just informed them that dad had internal bleeding and they would be doing a procedure called embolization to stop the bleeding.

He came out at about 1pm, with doctors and nurses accompanying him to the Intensive Care Unit.

I was heartbroken when we were allowed into the room after about 30 minutes they took to stabilise dad.

There was the tube in his mouth connected to a machine to help him to breathe, monitoring devices for his pulse, blood pressure, oxygen saturation and a drainage bag connected to the operation site.

I was not too sure if dad knew that we were present but I just kept talking to him. He was on continuous sedatives to make him feel more comfortable.

My aunt who is in the nursing line came with her friend at about 4pm. We realised that the drainage bag was full. That was about 1litre of blood.

We alerted the doctor and he explained that it could be the residual blood mixed with the abdominal fluid.

Fair enough.

However, within half an hour to 45 minutes it was half filled again with 500 mls of blood!

Same explanation and reassurance.

At about 5-6pm, almost 3 litres of blood had been drained!

My heart was thumping. Could it be active bleeding? Meaning, the internal bleeding had not stopped fully and dad was actually bleeding from the inside.

I could feel the agony in dad. Even when he was sedated, he struggled. I couldn’t imagine how much pain he was going through. And what they were doing was giving him more blood.

Within a few hours, he was transfused with 3 pints of blood which is equivalent to about 1500mls. But the output doubled! 3000mls!

The doctor spoke to us of options then, if we were to take my dad into the operating theatre it was to be a 80% risk that he will die on the table.

It was a definite NO! from us.

Then there was this option of doing the angiogram once more and embolization a second time. They would make a special arrangement for dad.

Yes, we agreed.

While they were sorting the paper consent, arranging stuffs and all, I got a chance to speak to dad who was then wide alert. Beats me but he was alert. I told him not to worry and all, I had settled stuffs for him and asked him to get well soon.

He tried talking but he couldn’t because of the breathing tube.

He then wrestled with the restrainers on his wrists that the team has applied fearing that he might pull out the tubes.

I seeked his cooperation that he would not do such a thing and removed the restrainer. I could see a sign of relief when he merely wriggled his hands and arms, to shake off the numbness.

Then he asked for paper and pen to write. I felt really bad because I couldn’t make out what he was writing. Thankfully, mum and aunt were able to guess it right.

I could only remember asking dad if he was in pain and he just nodded his head. And I  got the same reply for the few times i asked.

Then I told him that they were bringing him again to arrest the bleeding and said that I will talk to him again when he is back.

They rushed him to the x-ray department to do the procedure at around 7pm plus.

Then we all went down to have a bite thinking that it would take at least an hour.

Grandma, grandpa, my siblings, aunts, uncles, granduncles and grandaunts were all present.

Mum did not want to eat and waited at the waiting lounge.

I went up with aunt and my siblings at about 7.45pm to pass mum her snack.

We waited for less than 20 minutes when the medical officer ran out and told us to gather everybody because dad’s heart had collapsed.

I called aunt who was not in my sight and I ran right into the procedure room.

That sight was heart breaking for me, the nurses and doctors were doing CPR for dad and I saw him lying motionlessly on the trolley.

The medical officer came out of the procedure room again to inform mum that they had been doing resuscitation for about 20 minutes. Mum was hysterical. She was not ready to give up and I just pulled the doctor away and got her in to continue resuscitation.

I could not help but to shout to the people doing the resuscitation that, “He has 4 children!”.

25 minutes into resuscitation, mum just barged in and kept chanting for dad to come alive.

I barged in too and went over to dad’s side and held his hand. It was icy cold and in my heart I knew that dad had left.

He was totally lifeless. His eyelids just swayed up and down as they did the CPR.

The medical officer opposite me said that they had given him 30 syringe of adrenaline. Still, flat rate, no pulse.

Then the registrar came. I think he spoke to my mum. Can’t recall, I just kept looking at dad and the monitoring device.

They stopped CPR after 40 minutes of resuscitation.

Dad was pronunced dead at 2140.

Grandma and all were all wailing and screaming. I was devastated. I whispered into dad ears and said, ”I love you” and kissed his forehead.

They pushed him back into the ICU bed.

I requested to do the last office (cleaning of the body).

I could not describe the feeling. I did last offices for my patients before, but to do it for my dad, it was really very difficult.

The most unpleasant part was that the tube in his mouth and whatever tubes that was in him could not be removed because he was a coroners’ case.

On Friday, he was to have a post mortem which was against my grandfather’s wishes.

The findings of the post mortem together with the police investigations outcome will only be make known in 3 months time.

Followed by the wake and funeral.

The final punture into my heart was to be his final send off, the cremation scene. I guess I do not have to explain this.

The rest is history.

If you have read thus far. I thank you for accompanying me on this journey. It is a load off my shoulders to pour out my agony.

I will be talking about my dad for the next few posts, so do bear with me.

Before I sign off, I would like to share this personal quote of mine since I was in secondary 3.

“Don’t wait till it is too late to do or to say something.”

Be it dad, mum or anybody for the matter of fact that you love them. Spend time with them. Talk to them.

I love you dad.

JY Chia